Green, Party of Five

Though our house is sometimes occupied by thoughts of Jiang Yongxing's likely still living birth mother in China, just being able to see her laugh and smile and love is confirmation enough that she's enjoying her new life here in America. Sometimes it seems Xing Xing's (as she was known in China) mother is right here with us and she is funny, witty, pretty, and very loving. The thought of her relinquishing her precious Xing Xing is not easy to comprehend, but we know there are many reasons. Unfortunately, we'll never know for sure what drove her to that point. However, we cannot help but think that Xing Xing's life will turn out better than it would have if she were forced to live out her youthful days among so many children, yet so alone. Not because of anything we have done, but because God had a plan for her. And we were the "lucky" ones, that His plan happened to intersect her life with ours. Casting Crowns recorded a great song called "Who Am I?" whose words seem to describe exactly what we feel:

"Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who You Are."

Because of what He has done, the blessing, unknown to us at the time we first met Lily Grace, is ours by His grace. Yet there are the persistent thoughts of how to answer the questions sure to come later in life. And whether we'll really be able to explain her humble beginnings with a degree of certainty that will satisfy her longing for understanding herself and her country.

So many times in the past year, people have said to us what a good thing we did in bringing Lily Grace to America, implying that we somehow "rescued" her from the orphanage. And each time they do, I am embarrassed. Please don't misunderstand that. I am embarrassed only because it must be something that I've done or said that gives that impression. And when you really think hard about it, nothing could be farther from the truth. What I think about is how much of Lily's heritage she'll never be able to reconstruct. The siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins she'll never meet. The language and the beauty of her birth country, never to be experienced any moreso than as one of countless other tourists. I also think about the other children we met in her orphanage and wonder if God had a plan for them similar to the one He had for our Lily Grace. We know her best friend was adopted here in America and we hope one day to be able to visit with her and her new adoptive parents. In Lily's orphanage, there was this one older girl, probably 9 or 10, that Connie and I both noticed with great interest. She's in several of our photos and our video. We've wondered many times what has happened to her. There was a little boy, dressed in American red, white, and blue, content with the candy we brought, barely noticing our presence after receiving it. We wonder what happened to him.

Neither Connie nor I can stop thinking about those children and how they must long for someone to hold them and love on them. Maybe it could be us. And for that reason, we believe it is God's guidance for us to reach back into China. Not because we feel like it's our duty to do what we can for the lost children of China, but because we have come to know a love in the past year that is simply indescrible and we know that Lily Grace is filled with that love as well. She has taught us to love without bounds, and everyone in our family has benefitted from it. She tells everyone in the house how much she loves us, often just out of the blue. And you can tell she knows what she's talking about, sometimes accompanying the utterance with a kiss on the cheek or a look that simply melts its recipient. Though at times she treats him as typically as any American girl would treat her brother, Lily will tell Austin she loves him and if he's not feeling well, she'll do her best to comfort him. She needs to share this love with somebody who'll better understand its origins. Long after we're gone, we'd like for Lily Grace to have a connection to her heritage, someone to share her innermost thoughts with as she grows up and begins to wonder why she is different.

Yes, it's official. We are seeking to grow our family once again and with God's guidance and direction, hopefully we will be obedient to His will and find another sibling for Austin and Lily Grace. Austin is growing up so quickly, it's a little sad to realize that in just a few short years, he will be off to college. And then, Lily Grace will need somebody to play with, someone to build her imagination with, to share toys and nighttime stories, a close friend at school for those tough times to come. And they will come. I had wanted to wait until things got a little further along, but this kind of news just seems to find a way out. We spoke with our pastor and had prayer together last weekend. That is so important, just to pray and listen for God's will. For anyone thinking about adopting, please start with prayer and listen to God. If you ask His guidance, He will be faithful to lead you and direct you along the plan He has selected for you, whether that plan involves biological, domestically adopted, or internationally adopted children.

We have decided to use Lifeline Children's Services again, in short because their entire staff is so professional, and yet so loving and caring. Lauren, Anna, Karla, and all the others behind the scenes were amazing during our adoption of Lily Grace. Anna will handle our case again and we couldn't be happier about that. Their in-country representatives were uncommonly competent and caring people. Sally in Nanchung and Rebecca and Lily in Guanzhou were the perfect aides along our journey. They took care of more than we could have ever expected.

We've already begun the paper chase, having turned in a few documents while working on a new application. We have begun the process for getting a U.S. passport for Lily Grace, so she can travel under the U.S. flag when next we visit China. Our first homestudy visit is next week. So, please be in prayer for our entire family, as we begin this process again. We are thankful to have so many friends (actually, we consider them all family) we can talk to as we walk this path again.

Love,
Green, Party of Four ...
Jerry, Connie, Austin, Lily Grace, ...